Today is your special day, son, and another we don’t get to celebrate together. I wish things were different, that I hadn’t made a mess of things all those years ago. Some people just don’t accept that we are greater than our mistakes. They don’t believe in change nor have the heart to forgive. I hope you’re not growing into one of these. The burden of hate and inability to forgive is a self-imposed prison.
I digress… these years have been especially difficult without you and your brother close by. This note is for you, though, not me, so I’ll just tell you that not a single day passes when I don’t think of you both. I miss you more than you’ll ever know.
Your pain is felt by me, too. I remember when I was your age and longed for my dad’s presence—at games, other events, and just wished he was generally more involved. And he was around… he wasn’t alienated from my life, he just had more important things to do.
Know that when you’re ready, you can reach out. I will always be here for you, son.
Your birthday gift(s) will only appreciate with the passing of days. I used to send you actual presents, but someone evidently didn’t like that, so… Someday, you’ll have a nice stack of bonds just for you. 😉
Take care of your big brother and be good for your mama. Keep being yourself as long as that self is kind. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not enough. You’re beautiful and capable of anything you’re willing to work hard to accomplish.
I told your brother on his birthday and I’ll tell you too: read Desiderata and try to live by it.
I love you.
